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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23254240">Into the Void</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetrose20/pseuds/sunsetrose20'>sunsetrose20</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Infidelity, M/M, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:35:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,452</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23254240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetrose20/pseuds/sunsetrose20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor has to make a decision that will change his life forever: to follow or not to follow?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jane Foster/Thor, Loki/Thor (Marvel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Into the Void</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thoughts, ideas, comments, and constructive criticism are always welcome.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was not fair going on with his life, just as it was harsh the way life went on after someone slipped through one's hands, forcing those left behind to move on and, what? Forget? But it was not cruel, his brother would argue. <em>Harsh, Thor. Not cruel. Cruelty requires intent.</em> But, what if this had been part of Loki's plan? Had he not known how it would tear Thor apart? It was stupid, he knew, to expect anything else, even though that someone was not supposed to ever fade away. He was a god, by Odin’s beard. And yet he was no longer here to shadow Thor's every move.</p>
<p>With his absence, if Thor could ever bring himself to call it that, Thor had come to understand that his brother, fighting by his side and coming to his aid, had always been a given. It hadn't been a question of whether Loki wanted to or not. It hadn't even been a question at all. It was something Thor had taken for granted each time Loki steeled his eyes in front of a crowd who only had eyes for Thor and each time Thor brushed his brother off in favor of that crowd. <em>I'll see you tonight, I suppose, </em>Loki would whisper in his ear before slipping into the shadows, and Thor never once wondered what became of Loki then. He had never imagined his life without his brother. His beloved. He'd had no reason to. After all, they were immortal, destined to live until the twilight of the gods. But that had changed. Loki was gone. Consumed by the darkness one last time.</p>
<p>Loki had let go. It was as simple as that. Or at least that was all Thor needed to know. They had been hanging over the void between worlds, and all it had taken was two words: <em>No, Loki</em>. And just like that he was gone. Slipping away from his grasp. Going were he, Thor, had not been able to follow.</p>
<p><em>As you should have</em>, his mind kept supplying.</p>
<p>Anger swept over him then. He snapped at his father and he was right to do so. Nothing would make him budge from that position. Odin had prevented him from going in after his beloved, but, more importantly, he had led to Loki’s decision to let go. Loki had been pleading, only caring about making his father proud, and Odin had denied him. And so, Thor's first accusation was: "Why couldn't you wait?"</p>
<p>But was it really an accusation? Or a plea?</p>
<p>Thor knew that if his father had waited until they were back on solid ground, then his little Loki would still be here with him.</p>
<p>The confrontation was not pleasant. That was an understatement. Thor blamed his father for Loki’s death and, in turn, Odin blamed him for leading his brother down that path. Every single word that came out of that mouth – the same foul mouth that had pushed Loki over the edge – had been utterly incomprehensible to Thor.</p>
<p>"How in the Nine Realms is it my fault?" Thor bellowed at his father.</p>
<p><em>"</em>You foolish boy!" his father bellowed right back. "What did you think would happen after he discovered you were fornicating with a mortal?"</p>
<p>
  <em>Click. </em>
</p>
<p>And it suddenly made sense. His parents – because if his father knew, then his mother knew – were well aware of his less than brotherly love for his brother, of their not so innocent relations.</p>
<p>What did not compute in Thor's head was the fact that his relationship with his brother did not seem to bother his father. So, instead of answering his father's questions, he focused on that fact, which is how Thor came to know his brother was adopted. Not even Asgardian, but a Frost Giant. Thor gaped and shook his head. His mind was reeling, going too fast for him to formulate any kind of verbal response to the revelation of the century. No, his entire life!</p>
<p>"Perhaps it is time for you to think about your actions, my son," his father whispered as Thor fell to his knees.</p>
<p><em>"</em>Why couldn't you wait?" were Thor’s last whispered words to his father's back as he knelt on the ground, staring unseeingly at his calloused hands, a reminder of how the argument had begun in the first place.</p>
<p>Now, Thor found himself staring at the long cold hearth of his chambers in lieu of his hands, thinking about all the changes the last days had brought. He now knew his ruined coronation had been Loki's doing, just like the ill-fated trip to Jötunheimr, that he had lied about everything on Midgard, but he did not usurp the throne, and why he had commanded the Destroyer to do exactly what his name implied it did. Why? Just... why, then, had Loki whispered, <em>I'm so proud of you, Brother. Did you know that? </em>and pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek the morning of his coronation? Just before throwing the quilt off his naked body, swinging those long, pale legs over the edge, and running a hand through his hair. <em>Am I expected back tonight?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Always. </em>
</p>
<p>Admittedly, Thor had no idea what he had been thinking when he attempted to court the Lady Jane. That his brother would not find out because it happened on a different realm? He simply didn't know. But oh Norns, how he regretted it. Could he be more stupid? He didn't think so.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, his brother had been going through the shock of discovering he was a Jötunn, the recipient of every Aesir child's nightmare. (Thor had the feeling this was insensible of him, but he felt such relief at the knowledge that his brother had been just as oblivious as him in the matter of his heritage.) In addition, he had to face the betrayal of his friends, and something way more painful: Thor, his lover, preferring the caresses of a mortal woman over his own.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tell me, Thor! What happens to me when you take a wife?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I don't know. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki straightened his back and raised his chin, looking at Thor down his nose. Goodnight, Brother. </em>
</p>
<p>But it couldn't be fair to leave it at that, could it? Loki had gotten Thor banished, had <em>sabotaged his coronation</em>. Thor couldn't understand. They were not only brothers, but partners in every sense of the word. Why? That was all Thor wanted to know. W<em>hy?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I would follow you anywhere. </em>
</p>
<p>Loki must have known Thor was not aware of exactly what he was guilty, of what crimes he had committed. Yet there was his brother, stranded in Midgard, courting a mortal woman, while he, Loki, faithfully awaited his return. Then, his orders were ignored, and Thor's most trusted companions – not Loki's, never Loki's – allowed passage to Midgard to bring Thor back to Asgard. It had all been one mistake after another.</p>
<p>But Thor just wanted to know why. What had he done for his beloved to turn on him? He simply couldn't imagine a reality in which Loki would want him banished, in which he would usurp the throne. Loki had loved Thor, this he knew in his heart, and Thor loved him so much he just wanted it to stop. They had both betrayed the other, and it had ended with Thor drowning in grief with his brother lost to him.</p>
<p>Thor wanted to justify his infidelity, but when it all came down to facts, he couldn't. He hadn't known by then what his brother had done, and still after Jane he had gone. Did he really love the other?</p>
<p>If the crippling, maddening pain in his chest was anything to go by, then yes. The answer was yes.</p>
<p><em>More than life itself, my Älskling</em>. They were nothing but empty words for the lost.</p>
<p>~°•°~</p>
<p>A month had passed since the loss of Asgard’s second prince, and no one seemed affected by this happening. Not even the king or queen. It appeared Thor was the only one who cared, although devastated was more fitting. It was a good thing then, that he never expected his brother, or himself for that matter, to come out of their fight in the Bifröst unscathed. Thor, however, had expected to hug the air out of his brother's lungs after beating him within an inch of his life. But never to have him out of his life. Anything but that.</p>
<p>Anything but the reality he was forced to live in.</p>
<p>His people's indifference, and his friends’ and family's willingness to forget all about Loki, were making something inside him come unhinged. If he thought he knew heartbreak, knew what it felt like to have his heart shattered into a million pieces, then he had no idea what was about to break if he didn't get some reprieve from the world. Like any grieving man, he collapsed into alcohol’s numbing embrace. This appeared to be fine with everyone until he confined himself to his chambers, that was.</p>
<p>For all that the mead could chase away the guilt, it could not erase the thoughts about his brother, the only person that could make him happy. Having been raised together in the palace, there was not a single place that would not remind him of something him and Loki had done together – be it an innocent prank (not that all of them were), an overdramatic fight, or a sex escapade. He could never be intoxicated enough, without passing out that is, to be rid of his brother's ghost.</p>
<p>He had always known grief and guilt were more than perfectly capable of driving a person into madness, but he never even dreamt he could be a victim of such a fate.</p>
<p>Not with Loki by his side. His dead Loki.</p>
<p>Because even though he had not remained loyal, Loki was his and he was Loki's. Even in death. His father had prevented him from following, and he was later stopped by his conscience telling him that would not be what his brother wanted. The brother he could not forget no matter how intoxicated he was. The brother who was no longer here to tell him of what he would approve and what not.</p>
<p><em>So why are you still here?</em> That was the question most often asked by his mind. But <em>Why did you let go?</em> was the question he asked aloud most often. It wasn't exactly intentional. It was just something that he would wake up screaming. Almost every dream Thor had was of his little brother falling in one way or another, always slipping away from him, just as Thor was always powerless to stop it. Just as the ever present feeling of something clenching in his chest, making every breath he took a complete torturous affair. The second question that most often passed his charred lips was: <em>Why did you leave me?</em></p>
<p>People said the feeling of grief abated with time after passing through a period of mourning. But in his case, Thor was sure, the intensity of his grief only multiplied with each passing day, with each night that he laid awake in bed, searching, staring into the darkness above. Had Loki been scared? When he let go? Had fear gripped his heart as the life faded away from his eyes, face set in stone as he decided that yes, this was it?</p>
<p>
  <em>He was weak.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hm, I disagree. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Are you serious, Brother? He deserted his family if not the entire realm!</em>
</p>
<p><em>Loki's eyes became unfocused, drifting somewhere in the distance. Well, B</em><em>rother, I don't think you seem to realize what a person must feel in order to see death as their only escape, or the strength they must possess to take their own life and to... desert</em> <em>their family as you say. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>Thor snorted. Of course you would think that. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki shrugged, already stepping away, distancing himself from the light. It's part of my charm. </em>
</p>
<p>Thor kept expecting his brother to be lurking in the shadows, to finally come out of wherever he was hiding and end this cruel trick of his, to come to Thor in his bed and kiss every inch of exposed skin. To just <em>be</em> <em>there</em>. But none of this happened. The nightmares kept coming to him in his sleep, a replacement of his once ever-present brother. The brother that deserted him. </p>
<p><em>Why are you still here then?</em> Thor asked himself and just as easily he answered, <em>Because Loki wouldn't want me to leave after him</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>How can you know that? It's not like he is here to tell you that, is he?</em>
</p>
<p>And how could Thor deny the voice? After all, it told nothing but the truth. Loki was no longer here. If Thor stayed, doing what he was doing, he would never hear the other's velvety voice. And truth be told, guilt was rotting away his mind while grief was eating away his heart.</p>
<p><em>How do you know he didn't want you to follow?</em> Could that be true? <em>Maybe that's exactly what he wanted. For you to show him you would follow him even in death. That you would pick </em>him<em><strong>, </strong>however it had to be, instead of that pesky woman.</em></p>
<p>No, Thor couldn't deny it. Perhaps he truly had reached his breaking point, because that rung true. It sounded precisely like what Loki would want him to do. Loki deserted him and now it was Thor's duty to find him. To bring him <em>home. </em>Just like back in the day when the world was bright and beautiful, but Loki would still run away to an abandoned wing of the palace, and their parents would say, "Thor, this is a task of utmost importance. Can you do it?" Thor would nod, his jaw set with determination, and find his baby brother, hug him tight against his chest, and guard him from the monsters that lurked in the shadows. Guard him from the darkness, that vast place where anything could jump out and devour them whole. How could he have let Loki fall?</p>
<p>
  <em>Just wait for me a little longer, my Älskling. I'm coming for you.<br/>
</em>
</p>
<p>Yes, Thor was coming. He would be together again with his beloved forever and ever. In whatever place came after death, he would see his little Loki again, and that was all that mattered. Thor would see Loki again, they would embrace, and Loki would forgive him. The allure, the desire to feel the soft lips of his lover on his was irrefutable. It was all Thor needed.<em><br/>
</em></p>
<p>That would be home. </p>
<p>And, just like that, with his lover's smiling, delighted face at seeing him in mind, Thor followed his brother into the void to never be seen again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, actually, Thor doesn't die. He just never returns to Asgard. I don't think anyone caught on to that the first time I posted this. On another note, I should be reposting my other works sometime soon.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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